Hey guys - if you didn't celebrate the Day of the Ninja, you'd better get a life right now or some ninja might just cut your head right off. This is a picture of me that I took this morning right after I got up. I fought all day long, and even flipped out and killed a few people. Here's my story:
My alarm went off at 6:30 this morning, just like it does everyday. But as you know, this was no ordinary day. I was totally pumped. I launched myself out of bed, eager to start flipping out on people. I put on my ninja outfit, grabbed some throwing stars and my ninja sword, and headed downstairs. By the way, for those of you who don't know - although I am a ninja today, most days I am a nanny for an 11-year-old boy (who we will call Jack) and a 6-year-old girl (who we will call Jill). Jack's alarm clock is supposed to go off at 6:50 every morning. At 7:00, when I had not seen Jack and realized his alarm must not have gone off, I did a few flips up the stairs, cut down Jack's door with my sword, and totally flipped out on his alarm clock. This woke Jack up. He shot out of bed and got himself ready and off to school, crying a little bit from the sight of the slaughtered alarm clock. Once he was gone, I woke Jill up with a ninja war cry and threw my throwing stars at her feet in order to speed her up. After she ran off to school screaming, I figured out what I needed to do for the rest of the day. You see, although I was a ninja today, I still had to work. So I went to the grocery store. I was at the grocery store, just doing my shopping, when some loser left their cart in the middle of the aisle - right in my way. So I flipped out and killed everyone in the grocery store and didn't even think twice about it.
Then I went to the post office to drop off some mail and there was a dog barking in the parking lot, so I flipped out and chopped everybody's heads off. Then I went home and wailed on my guitar. That's pretty much how my day went. What did you do? I'm not even going to tell the rest of the story, because I don't think you could even handle it. Ninjas are totally sweet.
4 comments:
This. is. the. BEST. post. I. have. EVER. SEEN. youre like a 00ninja. is that even possible?
Sorry for the late reply, but it has taken me this long to get back to normal life. I got addicted to the ways of the ninja. To be totally honest, your day sounds really boring compared to the day I had. First of all you are a lame black ninja, I was a white ninja showing my elevated rank.
So my day was pretty normal, for a white ninja that is. I woke up, made sure I had my ninja sword, nunchucks, throwing stars, and ofcourse a few hidden daggers in my sleeves and shoes. When I came down to breakfast I discovered there was no milk in the fridge. So I tweaked out and just chopped everything else up in the fridge and then threw it out the window. I stormed out of the house in a terror, ran over a few pedestrians in my fury, and eventually made it to class with a minimum amount of blood on my hands.
Lunch came and the microwave didn't work, so I flipped out and scared all the guys. They all scream like little girls. That brought me pleasure, I had to let out a chuckle as I watched them run down the street. The girls all went into hiding as fear struck their hearts when they saw me come back in my white ninja attire with blood on my sword. I had enough of being around the weak at heart so I went to Thorbecks where I hoped to find someone strong enough to fight me. No one could stand up to me, the pile of bodies grew in the grunt room. I could not believe it! I slashed all the equipment and threw everything across the room.
Since I had skipped class I thought I might get Monday Club, but then I knew they would never do that for fear that I would cut their heads off, which I would. My neighbors were having a party again, so I took care of it ninja style. No survivors.
Then The Hunter. All I wanted to do was eat my dinner, but his annoying meow was striking my ninja nerve. Then suddenly he busted out these steel claws and I realized he was a ninja cat. It was a duel. We both took a beating, both were bleeding. When I had finally cornered the cat I suddenly had a pang of sympathy and decided I had shed enough blood for one day. I let him go, but I slept with my sword under my pillow.
First of all, I would like to thank the only two members of my fan club for faithfully reading and supporting - Atoria and Jess - I can always count on you two :)
Secondly, I would like to acknowledge the contribution of my distantly related ninja cousin: Megan, I applaud your efforts to hone your ninja skills, but there is much work to be done. For one thing, I would not admit that I was a white ninja if I were you - that only invites mockery. Elevated rank? Ha! It only shows that you have not earned the right to sneak around under cover of night. I can only imagine what your mentors have been telling you... Keep trying, little one, someday you will earn the right to wear the dark clothing of the true ninja. Your day does sound pretty good, for a ninja newb, but I think I see the reason you have not been granted the honor of donning true ninja garb: You felt a pang of sympathy. Seriously? Are you kidding me? I mean, what is sympathy? How do you dare to call yourself a ninja, and in the same paragraph, admit to pangs of sympathy?! That is preposterous! Now, go flip out on a whole town and see if you can avoid feeling any sympathy. If not, you might as well quit now. Sympathy is for the weak.
Clearly you are an imposter or you would have known that being a white ninja clearly shows that I AM the mentor. I can wear white to attact the enemy and the weak because I know that I have mastered the art of being a true ninja and can slaughter all who approach me. Unlike some people who wear black to hide their fear...
And as for sympathy...it did not last long. You know why I really took so long to reply? It was because I flipped out on your precious hometown. Centralia is no more, you have nothing to come home to.
So I suggest you go work a little more on your ninja skills until you can truly become a ninja with out fear.
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